How Spy x Family Helps My Marriage

By Jason Koop

Let’s get this out of the way, I grew up in a western Evangelical culture.  As such, I was exposed to a lot of the common tropes in the 90s and 00s.  And with the goggles of retrospection on, I can only now start to recognize the waters I was swimming in.

One thing that was abundantly clear:  Fantasy was not for “good, Christian adults”!  It was only something for kids/teens to grow out of once they got older and “more mature”.  A placeholder, not something to hold onto into adulthood – unless you were using it to teach something to children or young teens.

Fantasy… For Grown-Up Christians?

Why, the very idea that any credible adult could have any positive, growing experience from reading stories about a blue hedgehog that runs at super-sonic speeds, spandex and caped crusaders fighting outsized villainy, or a hero with an ancient sword who smashes pottery to find gems?

Preposterous!  Utterly ridiculous!  Up surd!  No, no, no, NO!!!  Real, mature Christian adults can only be instructed with self-help adjacent, study type books.  Everyone knows that!

Well… okay, but why?  Do we lose something as we get older and need everything spelled out for us in order for it to sink in?  And why is it that a freakish number of these “lessons” imparted through many of these “study group” books are ever so quickly forgotten and never fondly remembered?

This year, Karlissa and I are celebrating our tenth anniversary.  And I’m sure it would come as no great surprise to anyone to find out that we have clashed; and still do.  As someone who grew up in Western Evangelical culture – but never really knew the waters I was swimming in – I am surprised at how easily I came up with the expected steps when our relationship struggles.

·         Talk to a pastor/church elder

·         Read a Christian marriage book

·         Listen to Christian marriage “experts” – podcasts, YouTube videos, TikTok, FaceBook, etc.

None of these are particularly appealing to me for a variety of reasons.  Being an introvert. Finding most “Christian” marriage advice to be pretty shallow and mostly a band-aid solution.

But then, I came across something that not only grabbed my attention, but has begun to transform how I see not only my marriage, but my whole family.  Spy x Family.

Not Your Average Spy Story

Written and drawn by Tatsuya Endo, this ongoing manga debuted in 2019.  And, despite Endo having been in the manga game since the year 2000, this was his first work to be published in English.  The premise is as follows…

In a Cold War-esque setting, a spy – code named “Twilight” – is tasked with getting close to reclusive politician Donovan Desmond to hopefully prevent a nuclear war between rival nations Westalis and Ostania.  However, the only way to do so is through his son Damian, and the best way to do so is through the private school that Damian attends.

Therefore, Twilight is tasked with creating his own “family”.  In turn he adopts little girl Anya and marries Yor to be his daughter and wife, respectively.  However, he keeps them all in the dark that he is a spy on a mission. 

Unbeknownst to him, though, both Anya and Yor are keeping secrets from him as well.  Anya is a telepath, and Yor is an assassin.  And thus, all three are trying to play the part of a happy family while keeping significant secrets from each other.

Okay, I know this sounds completely ridiculous.  But really, I think it is all a front for addressing real family life and struggles.

Twilight (going by Loid Forger), is very much a dad.  Equal parts composed, family leader, overworked and worrying that he isn’t doing well as a husband or father – thus compromising his cover – and I find him so relatable.  He works hard, tries to make Anya study to do well in school, and constantly tries to affirm and encourage Yor as a wife, mother and person.

Yor is equal parts deadly competent and completely clueless.  On one hand, her strength, love and resolve enabled her to raise her brother (Yuri) when they were children and has made her into a pillar of comfort and safety to Anya.  On the other hand, her complete lack of cooking skills and social competence often leaves her on the wrong side of cultural expectations.

Anya is childishly naïve, yet somehow more in touch with things than either of her parents.  Because of her telepathy, she not only knows both of their secrets, but picks up on struggles that both try to keep hidden from her.  And yet, she is constantly afraid that if everyone knew each others’ secrets, it would destroy this family and the stability that she desperately needs.

And the story plays this out so superbly.  Amid all the espionage, assassinations, and classroom drama is a family that is trying to find out how to function as a unit, despite their differences and secrets they can’t/won’t tell each other.

Lessons Learned

Now, how has this helped me in my marriage and family life?  This all seems a little too outlandish, you might say, to be even remotely helpful.  However, in this story I have been shown things that stick with me much more than simply being told “do this/do that”.  Lessons like:

·         What sticks with the child is family experiences much more than nice toys/presents

·         While adults aren’t culturally allowed to ask for affirmation, they still need it

·         While we are individuals, we are at our best when we sacrifice for others

·         Miscommunication happens, but it needs to be worked through

·         Raising a healthy child is much more involved than simply checking of a list of needs

And these are all told through entertaining and wildly unrealistic stories that ensure that the lessons will likely linger with me that much longer.

Maybe all of this means that I am not a proper, mature, Christian adult.  But I would like to think that stories like Spy x Family that can teach us something, perhaps in an unexpected way, that will then stay with us much longer than a lecture or spiritualized self-help book.

Is Art Subjective?

By Jason Koop

“Art is subjective”. 

That’s a line most of us have heard, in one form or another, in our lifetime.  Put that line into a Google search, and you will get many people’s (and AI’s) take on it. 

My thoughts on that line have run the gamut from “What does that even mean?” to “That’s your excuse for defending something that is just bad” to me using it to defend my own preferences.

For the sake of this post, I’m not coming at the line “art is subjective” from the perspective that there is no “good” or “bad” art, because “beauty is in the eye of the beholder”. And I’m not saying I can convince you that some piece of art is “good” or “bad” because of how it grades on a specific formula.  I’m going to approach the line “Art is subjective” from the mindset that a piece of art can mean different things to different people at different times.

Basically, to appropriate Shrek’s greatest line:  Art is like onions.

What brought this on is two videos I saw on YouTube that discussed two franchises/series I have some definite thoughts about.  The first was The Dark Underlying Theme of IDW Sonic by Sonic Theory, and the other was The Chronicles of Narnia: The Black Sheep of 2000’s Fantasy by The Thrifty Typewriter.

In The Dark Underlying Theme of IDW Sonic, Sonic Theory argues that a major theme in the IDW Sonic comic books is free will. And I must say, having read the comics I didn’t make that connection, but then again, you’re talking about the guy who didn’t know Hamlet was contemplating suicide when he says “to be or not to be”, so… there’s that.  Sonic Theory has a point.  The theme of free will isn’t slammed in the audience’s face in a way that you cannot miss it, but now having had it pointed out, I can’t stop seeing it.  I honestly want to do a deep dive on that theme using all the characters (yes, I’m a Sonic nerd, where have you been?).

The Chronicles of Narnia: The Black Sheep of 2000’s Fantasy looks at the three theatrical movies that came out in 2005, 2008 and 2010 (The Lion, The Witch, And The Wardrobe; Prince Caspian; The Voyage of the Dawn Treader) and how they fit into the fantasy saturation that really kicked off in the 2000s.  Comparing the films to the contemporaries of their time gives the review an interesting angle.  While I don’t really agree with The Thrifty Typewriter’s takes, frankly it has more to do with the fact that I have at least a basic grasp of the spiritual tones of the stories and he doesn’t.  His perspective is drawn from taking into account the media landscape the movies were being released into.

These two seemingly unrelated things do in fact share a common thread I’d like to tug on.  They showcase how an underrated determiner of what the audience’s takeaway(s) of a story/character is the individual’s perspective.  My main takeaways from the Sonic the Hedgehog IDW comics are the themes of friendship and teamwork.  I tend to see The Chronicles of Narnia movies by comparing them to the books and the Christian themes that C.S. Lewis tried to get across. But these YouTube reviewers saw different things, probably based on their own perspectives and life experiences.

“Art is subjective”.  I used to balk at the very idea of it.  If you had a differing take on a book/movie/video game, well then you were just wrong.  And if you were to imply that there were multiple different themes that could be taken from said media, depending on how you approached it, well that was just plain silly.  The themes are the themes, and they are plainly universal, regardless of your perspective.

But now… I wonder if the themes one takes away from a piece of art are indeed subjective, because of our human flaws and brokenness.  Perhaps we are incapable of perfectly getting across themes and stories, which then leaves cracks where the audience can fill in with their own personal life experience and theology.

And by God’s grace, He makes it so that imperfect stories told by imperfect humans can have a richness of meaning.  Maybe even beyond what the creator intended.

The Printed Book

Written by Karlissa J.

There’s something pleasant about holding a book in your hands.

The texture of the cover. The subtle scents of the paper.

When children are young, they’re already pulling novels off of book shelves. They can’t read, or even recognize lettering. But even when they’re aren’t any pictures, children enjoy just flipping through the pages of books.

I’ve heard that some people say ebooks will take over, and people will stop making printed books altogether. I find that highly unlikely.

There are certainly benefits to ebooks. They’re cheaper to make, easier to pack around, and save paper.

However, in an era of digital technology, ‘physical’ experiences - holding a real book, weeding the garden, tossing around a basketball - almost seem to have gone from mundane to special merely because we have easier, digital alternatives to fall back on. There is something sacred about embodied experiences.

I know I’m not the only one who enjoys having a printed book to hold, to flip through, to place on a shelf.

Why we should celebrate and share things we like

Written by Jason K

This is not an opinion that I held less than a year ago.  I’m more of a private person and normally hesitant to share my opinions on media.  But then something happened that changed my perspective.

 I do enjoy movies, shows, and books.  But I don’t watch or read just anything.  I typically need some reason to put in the time or money.  And it occurred to me that years ago my wife and I watched movies in the local cinema relatively often, but we haven’t recently.  Part of that was due to COVID restriction, but it could be mostly attributed to a lack of movies that grabbed my (or Karlissa’s) interest.

Then… Puss in Boots: The Last Wish came out.  While it should be noted that I’m decidedly not a fan of the first Puss in Boots movie nor the Shrek franchise in general, there was something about the trailer that grabbed my attention.  I managed to convince Karlissa to come with me to watch it in theatres (not an easy feat, as she was less-enamoured).

By the end of the movie, I was pumped!  It had been a long time since I came across anything new that could get me so excited.

Afterwards, I immediately started making plans to take my brothers and my parents to see it too.  All told, I saw it three times in cinemas.  But it didn’t stop there, as this marked the first movie I actively encouraged my co-workers at my day job to see.  I was both sharing the movie and celebrating the movie.

Now why do I think that we should both celebrate and share things we like?  Because of the internet!

No, seriously.  The internet has made it so that we all have access to so much.  I would hazard to guess that for most of us, unless it’s advertised to us, most things just pass us by without even registering on our radar.

Long story short, if you come across a book that you really like, odds are that most of the people you know don’t even know it exists.  It can be truly invigorating to be able to share experiences, and books are that.  But you probably won’t be able to do so unless you’ve made others aware that it exists.

A Scorpion and a Ladybug

I once read a blog post that warned against the dangerous lesson that can be drawn from The Scorpion and the Frog.

This tale is an ancient one; so ancient, its origins are unclear. Alongside a river, a frog meets a scorpion. The scorpion asks for a ride across. At first, the frog is hesitant to grant this request, but the scorpion promises he won’t sting the frog. The frog trusts the scorpion and gives him a ride. But halfway across, the scorpion stings the frog. As the venom takes hold, and the two are doomed to die together in the middle of the river, the scorpion explains that it’s in his nature to sting.

There are other versions of this story. One with a turtle instead of a frog, where the turtle’s shell shields him from the sting.

And the one that has captured my imagination: The Scorpion and the Ladybug.

Here, the scorpion and the ladybug are good friends, who love each other dearly. Yet the scorpion inevitably stings the ladybug, killing his friend because… it’s his nature.

As the blogger pointed out, this story could be used to warn against giving too much trust towards individuals who have shown themselves dangerous. That’s fine.

But the story can also be used to discourage trusting those who are the “wrong type” of people. Muslims. Blacks. Gays. Anybody we can point to as our “abhorrent other” (as some philosopher defined it).

Encouraging fear and distrust – and discouraging people from helping those in need if they’re “one of them” – is a dangerous ‘moral.’

As I see it, there’s a simple way of repairing the lesson of the story. We tend to imagine ourselves as the innocent ladybug – or frog or turtle – when maybe it’s more accurate to identify with the scorpion.

It’s in our nature to harm others: by our selfishness, our greed, our careless words… even our careless silences.

This doesn’t mean we should avoid people because we can’t be trusted with anyone.

It does mean we need to be prepared to give up part of our very nature in order to truly love another person.

The tale of the Scorpion and the Ladybug enamours me by its very premise: a scorpion and a ladybug, as loving friends? What an oddly charming concept!

True Canadians

Before last year, I don’t believe I ever stopped to think deeply about racism.

That may sound odd. After all, I dealt with an openly racist character in Kingdom of Bats, and The Quest and The Loss are largely about interracial interactions. It’s not as though the topic hasn’t crossed my mind.

However, I haven’t deeply thought about how it’s relevant to my life here in Canada.

Canada, in theory, embraces multi-ethnicism, and holds our Native population in highest regard. So being “racist” is, generally speaking, uncool. Doesn’t happen.

…Right?

I’d been thinking and praying about racism after the death of George Floyd, when someone said something to me that caught me off guard.

“I’m not racist,” she assured me. “But can’t they find any REAL Canadians to do (such and such a job around our community)?”

I hadn’t noticed before that the workers looked East Indian. Not because I don’t notice race, but because (admittedly) I tend not to notice people, period.

Somehow, if all the workers were white, I don’t think she’d have been so quick to assume they were recent immigrants… or declare them not “real Canadians.”

Since that event, I’ve been on a quest to learn more: I’ve collected books on racial justice for our church library; worked through some of the resources provided by an organization called “Be the Bridge;” and continued praying about the topic.

It’s a journey that I’m glad I decided to take.

I’ve actually found it’s been a great boost to my faith.

One thing that amazed me was discovering the passionate Christian leaders among African-Americans and Aboriginals. Many Christians who leave the church do so because they can’t stand the church’s hypocrisy. Yet, here are people who have suffered under some of the church’s greatest hypocrisies, and their Christian faith has endured, even thrived.

I’ve found that the story of the Israelite’s exodus from slavery takes on greater meaning when preached by an African-American. God giving Israel a specific land to call home becomes special when seen through a First Nations perspective. And many of Jesus’ actions and words take on greater meaning when viewed from a Jewish cultural context.

There’s a lot we can learn from people who have a different history and perspective.

Handling Crisis Part 2

To think: the year 2020 will be over in just a few weeks.

A lot has changed over the course of this year. I know I’ve gained a new perspective on life. One for which I’m not ungrateful.

This year has brought both pain and joy for me: the sadness of events surrounding the pandemic and the sense of unrest; and the joy of my new baby girl.

When all the craziness of 2020 started, I hoped to come through this year with greater wisdom and strength. And I believe I have gained both.

I was reminded that prayer can be more than an activity I pursue on the side. If I’m more intentional about it, it can change me, my priorities, and how I see the world. Maybe it can even change the world itself.

Racism wasn’t really on my radar before. Thanks to this year, I’ve realized I spent my time thinking about cultures far away, and forgetting that other cultures live alongside my own. Cultures practiced by people who, quite fairly, can feel sidelined, ignored, or unheard.

What to do with that knowledge… I’m still learning.

I feel like this year has marked the start of a new journey for me. Maybe some of you feel the same way.

I could go on, but I believe I’ve rambled enough for now. I’ll leave with this final note…